Assalamualaikum..
its been long time ey mate..hari ni just wanna let it all out..after slama ni pnat sgt pndam smua bnda..rsa mcm nk fall apart.every smile on my face..every laughter..i cant feel joy in it..rsa mcm smua tu fake..burden kot..i really getting tired bit by bit..rsa mcm kna uji sgt..how could i handle everything? how could i understand ppl..penat..i tried my best..tp outcome xsperti yg aku sngka.." not everything u can achieve with just an effort " dan " u cannot get smthg u desired the most with just trying ur best" ..i was making a secrife just to make u happy..bkn ssuatu yg aku nak sbnanya..im not expecting to leave u..msa tu aku mmg dh mati akal..everything went wrong..aku mcm dh ups ide down..xleh nak pike lg mcm mna nk solve..then i'll just follow the situation..and make the decision*scara tpaksa*..once it has been said..i knw its hard to turn back..almost impossible..aku xleh nk buat apa2..all i hv done is make her angry..so i hv decide..msa aku hntar msg " i'll let u go for now... " i almost cried..my pride as a guy torn apart..tgn aku bgegar nk antar msg tu..xsggp nk hantar.coz i'll never wanted this to happed..aku dh cuba nk paham prasaan si dia..jga hati si dia..its not tht aku saja nk ambik hati or popularity..i dont even want fame..just aku mmg btol2 .emm..btw cant cntinue..then aku kuatkan smangat..smua ni aku buat untk si dia.."xpe..someday u'll see her pure smile again" aku tekan send..and ttiba rain drop from the sky..all the secrifices i made for her just to see her happy..althou it will broke me apart thou..aku tau smua bnda ni akan hunt aku smpai bila2 sbb aku dh buat promise..so aku nk mntak maaf la k..smpai skarang aku rsa mcm..aku xkan dpt rsa pure laughter and smile..ever again..sbb burdened..thats y some ppl say " kta xkan rsa tenang klo kita blom tunaikan janji till u enter ur very own grave" i was =..=" soo burdened..its all my fault..xleh nk lupa..i cant cry.coz i must be strong..a guy must be strong..tp ada time tu ttiba rsa mcm nk baca smthg..quite special to me..then i was touched..aku tpikir "slama ni aku mcm xpnh appreciate pn apa si dia buat.xabis2 buat si dia marah..and i'll just forget2..how dumb it is..skarang baru nk mnyesal..its too late brader.." tkenang balik kisah2 1st dlu..rsa mcm every laughter and smile i hv tht time was filled with joy..rsa sronok sgt..i felt mcm burden tu xrsa sgt*wpun burden tu mmg ada sbnarnya* all the problem solved..with her around..nvr been stressfull for me..klo stress pn..dgr si dia ktawa, i'll cool down in no time..i missed tht moment..bt now..im dragging all the problem..hving emotional problem..unstable..over imagine things tht often make me angry..troublesome for me..i wish tht u'll be at my side tht time so i can hear ur laughter..tp aku xleh nk bgi tau si dia yg aku ni ada problem ke tak sbb aku xnk si dia pulak feel burdened by me..aku ni pnganggur*temporary* and si dia pulak tgh study..so aku klau bleh xnak bebankan si dia..all i wanted is to hear her voice..tp aku ni slalu plak buat hal..bluurr3x..sloww2..sbnanya aku takut..everything aku nk buat aku kawal..bkn nk kontrol hensem okay..xhensem punn..just xnak si dia feel annoyed..and last2 smua bnda tu plak buat si dia annoyed..lol..wht happen actly..aku dh start nerves..almost everytime..kan wak..tiap2 kali msti buat hal kan..ahaha..tu la pasal..kontrol punya kontrol..smpai sndiri mati akal..wak saye xsngaja..saye try best xnak buat awk marah..jgn marah k awk..saye ni mmg jrg ckap..not very talkative..i like do things bt not talk..i do things will make me very happy..since kte jaoh..so i cant do anything..im not sweet talker..my weakpoint..i think its bad..aku xde buat smthg tht makes u really happy..xsmpat lngsung..sad..i'll never gives up till i make u really2 happy..its my word..and saye xpikir pasal balas2 k wak..xkesah..like i said..i do wht i wanted to do..and im happy with it..im not a talker..asalkan i get to hear u laugh and look at ur smile again..thts all i ever wanted..ok.thts all.i felt like kurang sikit jiwa kacau nih..for those who read..sngaja or x sngaja..its not easy to really understand ppl..its almost impossible nak jaga hati org..tp ingt..to really understand those things, try to put urself into theirs..u will knw how they feel.just like wind blows..with no fixed direction..thts the time u realize u nvr be perfect..
